Today I got my polio vaccination, and my arm is quite okay, except for that soreness whenever I move. It's not very painful. In fact, I probably enjoy the pain.
I'm not saying I'm a hardcore masochist; not at all. I would very much not like to be harmed if at all possible.
However, the little reminder of the sense of touch is something that I love. And pain is a way to prove that you are still alive, and not just randomly pinching your numb epidermis in your dreams.
It's that little discomfort that keeps me awake.
Honestly, as much as I'd prefer to be more on the sadist side, I definitely belong to the masochist side. Too much sympathy, perhaps. I cannot enjoy hurting others really, unless if the person happens to be one of my siblings. If it's them, I know they will forgive me quickly. I'm probably the most 'bullied' out of the bunch of us! Even my little sister berates me.
I seem to subconsciously enjoy myself as I put on too much pressure upon myself, such as that time in November. Remember NaNoWriMo? That was absolutely suicidal. Pile 1,667 words on per day plus homework and orchestra and artistic duties, not to mention my church activities and parents' expectations, I was living in a world of chaos and unrelenting stress! Why did I even accept the challenge in the first place?! However, I'm glad I survived and did manage to write a terrible half-done novel, which by the way, the plot isn't even halfway through yet. And I still haven't touched it since December 1st.
And now I'm also in that same situation: tests tomorrow, commissions to do, things to practice for.
MASOCHIST.
However, I do not enjoy emotional pain at all. It's more than I can handle. Sure I can fake a smile or stoic stare, but it's terrible!
*I'm not a masochist! I just lean towards that side more than most people.
I'm not saying I'm a hardcore masochist; not at all. I would very much not like to be harmed if at all possible.
However, the little reminder of the sense of touch is something that I love. And pain is a way to prove that you are still alive, and not just randomly pinching your numb epidermis in your dreams.
It's that little discomfort that keeps me awake.
Honestly, as much as I'd prefer to be more on the sadist side, I definitely belong to the masochist side. Too much sympathy, perhaps. I cannot enjoy hurting others really, unless if the person happens to be one of my siblings. If it's them, I know they will forgive me quickly. I'm probably the most 'bullied' out of the bunch of us! Even my little sister berates me.
I seem to subconsciously enjoy myself as I put on too much pressure upon myself, such as that time in November. Remember NaNoWriMo? That was absolutely suicidal. Pile 1,667 words on per day plus homework and orchestra and artistic duties, not to mention my church activities and parents' expectations, I was living in a world of chaos and unrelenting stress! Why did I even accept the challenge in the first place?! However, I'm glad I survived and did manage to write a terrible half-done novel, which by the way, the plot isn't even halfway through yet. And I still haven't touched it since December 1st.
And now I'm also in that same situation: tests tomorrow, commissions to do, things to practice for.
MASOCHIST.
However, I do not enjoy emotional pain at all. It's more than I can handle. Sure I can fake a smile or stoic stare, but it's terrible!
*I'm not a masochist! I just lean towards that side more than most people.