altairtherook: (Scuro)
Today I got my polio vaccination, and my arm is quite okay, except for that soreness whenever I move. It's not very painful. In fact, I probably enjoy the pain.

I'm not saying I'm a hardcore masochist; not at all. I would very much not like to be harmed if at all possible.
However, the little reminder of the sense of touch is something that I love. And pain is a way to prove that you are still alive, and not just randomly pinching your numb epidermis in your dreams.

It's that little discomfort that keeps me awake.

Honestly, as much as I'd prefer to be more on the sadist side, I definitely belong to the masochist side. Too much sympathy, perhaps. I cannot enjoy hurting others really, unless if the person happens to be one of my siblings. If it's them, I know they will forgive me quickly. I'm probably the most 'bullied' out of the bunch of us! Even my little sister berates me.

I seem to subconsciously enjoy myself as I put on too much pressure upon myself, such as that time in November. Remember NaNoWriMo? That was absolutely suicidal. Pile 1,667 words on per day plus homework and orchestra and artistic duties, not to mention my church activities and parents' expectations, I was living in a world of chaos and unrelenting stress! Why did I even accept the challenge in the first place?! However, I'm glad I survived and did manage to write a terrible half-done novel, which by the way, the plot isn't even halfway through yet. And I still haven't touched it since December 1st.

And now I'm also in that same situation: tests tomorrow, commissions to do, things to practice for.


However, I do not enjoy emotional pain at all. It's more than I can handle. Sure I can fake a smile or stoic stare, but it's terrible!

*I'm not a masochist! I just lean towards that side more than most people.
altairtherook: (Default)
Thank God I can finally touch my tablet after a month. *sobs*
But I still have much work to do, and cannot procrastinate any longer. Good night!
altairtherook: (Default)
不要爱世界和世界上的事;人若爱世界, 爱父的心就不在他里面了。(约壹 2:15)
I'm so proud that I can read the above verse without any help. Really. Hopefully I can learn more and more

Watching the light on the dash
Warning that we're gonna crash
   - One More Crash by Faded Paper Figures
I feel so overwhelmed by school and extracurricular activities. It's been so bad that I hardly have time to draw, not even to work on commissions! I've apologized deeply on my deviantart, but the art's not going to get done until my schoolwork dwindles down. Hopefully, I can achieve things.

I have two take home tests, one difficult calculus packet of worksheets, five chapters of Bless Me, Ultima to read and annotate for a quiz on Tuesday, a Chemistry test on Monday, an advertisement for newspaper to sell, orchestra to rehearse for, a Valentine's Day party to plan for (food, decorations, and background music), an annual skit to prepare fore, a dumpling party to plan (as well as create the invitations), community service hours to complete, a document analysis paper for AP World History as well as reading chapter 21, finding a suitable song for church offertory, and practicing the piano part for my friend's violin solo.

At least I had my solo/ensemble today; don't have to worry about that anymore.

And this is only my sophomore year? Isn't this supposed to be one of the better years of high school? I might as well shoot myself in the head before I can draw anything seriously. I haven't been able to practice much with my new-ish tablet. My calculus and newspaper (missing the advertisement grade) grades aren't helping either. And I also have to plan for my junior year classes. My teachers think that students are delinquents with nothing to do, therefore they assign so much.

No time for myself, so I make some. Sleep deprived, I drag myself through school. Because I try to read my manga or watch my anime or scroll through tumblr so my life isn't monotone homework schoolwork practice plan. I think I'm just going to crash one day. I shouldn't even be typing this out since it's almost midnight, but I have to express my feelings somewhere.

Good night.
altairtherook: (Default)
I am sorting out dirty laundry before I study a bit more then go to sleep.

My sister's socks are covered in dirt, sweat, and hair. So much hair. Like where does it all come from? This is a small ankle sock, not some fabulous hair garment. Like HOW DOES IT GET ALL HAIRY?
altairtherook: (Kurokichi Kagenui)
 I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A giant weight.

I am taking an online P.E. class (online P.E.! How could such a thing exist?!) and you know, knowing me...
I'm a big procrastinator.

The deadline to finish the course is January 15th.

So this week was my last week to finish it, but I hadn't taken the final exam yet.
There was this whole fuss about how to take the final exam and who was my proctor and where did I take it and how did I request one and a lot of miscommunication and non-communication occurred during that time.

And it boiled down to this:
The day was Wednesday, January 11 and I had requested (properly this time) a final exam and also emailed my proctor. But the next day, my proctor never emailed me back. I was so worried, I could hardly concentrate on anything else. (Luckily, I had almost no homework.) So today I went to go see her.

She asked me, "Do you know what day it is?"
"Yeah, it's the twelfth."
"Do you know when your course expires?"
"Well, get your next period teacher to write you a pass because I can only administer the course to you next period, since you screwed up BIG TIME."

So I meekly did as I was told, agree with her completely because I was a total screw-up and messed-up procrastinator that $50 (extension fee) was on the line.

I took it and I passed, thank God. No, seriously, I thanked God because I prayed to him. I told him how stupid I was and how worried I was and how much I screwed up. I just asked that he would take away that stress.

And he did. Thank you, God.
altairtherook: (Default)










altairtherook: (Scuro)
 Merry Christmas everyone!
I'm kind of tired of this saying already, but there's nothing like a bit of Christmas cheer to keep you fuzzy inside. Right? Right?

This year, I was really hoping for a PSP but instead I got a Kindle. Somewhat disappointing, but I understand my parent's point of view. But with the Kindle, I can finally read those pdfs without going on the computer! And it can also experimentally browse the web. Mwahahaha!

Also got lotion, scarves, a plush hamster, socks, 2 red copics, more lotion, lotion + body glitter (not that I'd use that very often), a coat with fur trim (thinking Izaya, anyone?), Amulet vol. 3, a framed picture of me predicting the future even though at that moment I was just being a troll, body spray, and shower gel. Also the traditional box of shared family chocolates.

And later we get to eat ramen!
And perhaps watch more Bakemonogatari. Even though I already watched it before.

Oooh, and I need to finish up commissions too! Ai-ya!

But what's been great about this whole break is no homework! I actually couldn't believe it, so I went through my agenda and my notebooks to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
altairtherook: (insanity)
I think I am going insane.
Should be studying for my six weeks test for Calculus tomorrow, which if I ace, will bring my grades up by a league. If not, I will be on the brink of failing the course! Darned this grading period! We usually have 6 weeks, but this period is pretty much 4, since they counted the two days of school during Thanksgiving week as well as the two days of finals next week! Are they crazy?! That's probably why my English grades have been slipping too. But I also blame it on NaNoWriMo.

And my Secret Santas! Gawd! Both are due Friday and I have yet to finalize them! A contest entry is due tomorrow, which is the same day of my orthodontist appointment and the day I'm supposed to organize the FallenSyndicate Secret Santa! What a crazy week this is! Someone save me!

And how the heck am I supposed to get presents for my friends too? All this season has been spending spending spending! I shouldn't have participated in all those gift-giving stuffs. They empty out the meager coins in my purse!

And don't get me started on the events next week! Sheesh! Outings, outings, outings! Though I am looking forward to next Friday's videogame/pancake party. Golly, that'll be enjoyable! That is, if I can get through all my finals first!
altairtherook: (Miyavi - 2)
 You would think that after a hectic month like NaNoWriMo, I'd be so much more free.


I'm swamped with secret santas, gifts, contests, grades, and extracurricular activities. Sheesh, save me from this life!


30 November 2011 09:23 pm
altairtherook: (Miyavi - 2)
(but not really, since the plot isn't even half over yet. I didn't even get to leave it at the cliffhanger I wanted to put it at. Sigh, I'll just have to wait. It has to do with Minorei though... I'm a bad mother, abusing my characters. But that is what makes the story interesting...)

I would donate but I'm broke. So broke. ;n; Need more commissions.


altairtherook: (Default)

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