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[personal profile] altairtherook
I continue to feel angsty and distressed and all sorts of wrong. And I understand that 100% of it is pretty much my fault, indirectly or directly.

Even though there are barely any readers of my blog (and I am sorry if you are scrolling through my posts saturated with self-pity) I won't elaborate too much on what I'm feeling. It's probably best if I confide in a being, not in an electronic echo that blends into the grungy walls of the internet.

I'm going to try to cheer myself up, not by my usual way (procrastination, which is basically just distracting myself from my problems) but by setting up a plan.

Damn, America has trained me to be so reliant on self-gratification that I can't even function when I hit the first sign of pain.

Obviously I'm spread too thin so things need to be cut.
  1. Twitter, limited to one tweet a day. Honestly, I have no use for this. My main purpose on it is to get updates from important groups but by having a Tweeria account I spam a lot about myself, which makes me more narcissistic and is not a good way to live. Even if Tweeria is the laziest way to role-play, tweet-spam only says that I'm egotistical. Replies probably won't count in the limit, since they're conversations, right? Maybe I should cut on those too.
  2. Tumblr. One of the best and worst things of my life. I constantly fret over the memes and inspiration that will float away out of my grasp if I don't check it regularly. And I freak out if my queue starts hitting around 10 posts and I scour my dashboard for things to add to my queue. Let's limit it to only 30 minutes a day. This will be the hardest goal to keep.
  3. Youtube. I've become obsessed with watching a certain user play horror or indie games and I just can't stop! It's gotten so bad that I even procrastinate watching anime, which is my primary procrastination method! Limit to 1 video per day.
  4. Anime. I'm so behind on almost everything. But I have to limit to 1 anime per day. (Manga is not a problem because it updates sporadically.)
And things I need to trudge through!
  1. Homework. Always procrastinated. NEVERMORE.
  2. SAT study. I hate this because I feel like I will barely improve, because everything mentioned in the practice book I know! The best way to study would probably be taking practice tests but I don't want to spend four hours on it! Perhaps I'll do one section per day.
  3. AP U.S. History. I despise reading the chapters in preparation for the test. History is my worst subject, after writing.
  4. Writing. I just need to write more. Essays, particularly. Regain some vocab by reading more novels, less manga. Even writing short fiction should help but /sighs/
  5. AP tests. Goodness gracious I can't even begin on how much stress there is over these.
  6. SLEEP. My eyelids have been stained permanently grey. I sleep in the last class of the day almost every time.
Some other plans!
  • Scholarship applications - fill out one per two days, I suppose. Those essays will probably boost my writing skills.
  • Job applications - I already signed up for a summer camp but there's no guarantee I'll get in. I need some moolah too, for spending.
  • College applications - I can feel my death impending.
Phew, this lifted some stress. I wish I could control myself better. Become more studious. Less NEET. The NEET life is only achievable if I'm rich. Which I'm not. And if I let myself be degraded. Which I shouldn't. Gotta pull myself together.

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